Grumpy Vegan

The green smoothies, almond milk and beans are starting to wear thin--everywhere except my hips. One doesn't spend a decade or few as an omnivore without developing wide-ranging tastes. When Guy Fieri showcased the roast chicken at a local-to-us eaterie, I 'bout wept.

Saturday we went to the 9Health Fair to get our blood sucked. It's been a month since I've given up dairy and meat, so I wanted to get the lipids checked. For people who lack health insurance or for high-deductible insurance holders such as ourselves, the 9Health Fair is a remarkable community service. For 30 bucks, you get an entire blood chemistry screening, which tests thyroid, glucose, liver, kidneys, cholesterol and more. Men can get a PSA screening for another $25. A $15 blood cell count can detect anemia and certain cancers. They've even added a vitamin D test for an extra $40. Those of us living above certain latitudes are supposed to be wildly deficient in this particular nutrient. We'll see. They also offer tons of other free screens ranging from bone density and blood pressure to Body Mass Index, eye and dental screenings.

We're huge 9Health Fair fans. Years ago Mr. Nake-id learned he ha a minor health issue by attending a fair; they called two days after he had his blood drawn. It took longer for him to get an appointment with his doctor! If you're a Colorado resident and it's been a while since you've had a blood test, go! It's an amazing deal.

Mitch saved my place in line (if you attend a Health Fair, plan on a bit of a wait; the lines can be long but are usually convivial affairs with people laughing and joking and telling health horror stories) while I bounded over to the weight station convinced of new sveltness. I hopped on to the scale, smug in my veganness. When the number came back...not a pound, not a bloody ounce. I hadn't lost anything!

Who lost weight? Mr. Nake-id. Mr. Nake-id, who's already so thin it's as if he exists in two dimensions.

This did not endear me to the tofu and seitan and beans and brown rice I'd been sucking down.

Hopefully, though, some changes have been wrought on my innards, the point of all this. Veganism aligns with my feelings for animals and the environment, too. Right now, this experiment feels annoying and just a little too precious.

Send along any great recipe recs. Meanwhile, I'll do battle with my pissy 'tude.

Comments are closed